


Never take a dark lord to school

by GrimMessenger



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bored Tom, Crack, M/M, Master of Death Harry, MoD Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-10-25 23:29:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17734721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimMessenger/pseuds/GrimMessenger
Summary: Harry went from pretending to be an orphaned eleven year old to pretending to be an orphaned eleven year old with Tom.Tom needs his body back. He wants Harry to help him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m attempting a crack fic.

The first time that Harry Potter met Tom Riddle was in an alleyway. Coincidentally it was the same alleyway that Quirrell managed to get Tom Riddle stuck on the back of his head in. (Because we all know Quirrell totally went to a creepy dark forest in Albania. And it’s definitely not a story he made up to seem cool in front of teachers and not seem like a weird guy who hangs out in alleyways.) When Harry Potter first met Tom Riddle on the back of Quirrell's head, in an alleyway that was definitely not a dark scary forest, he said “That is some absolutely stellar makeup art you have going on there. Can I touch it?” 

Now, Tom Riddle (who would like to mention he hates the name and would rather be called something much more threatening like, I dunno, Voldemort) did not like this idea at all and as such being only a face on the back of Squirrel’s -I mean Quirrell’s- head, did a rather undignified thing and spit on Harry. Harry, having dealt with children at the orphanage all the time and having found out he was a wizard two days ago, and was used to unexpected and spit related things happening, and therefore only said, “Your saliva is quite warm for being a only a face on the back of someone’s head”

The face (Voldemort, for those of you who forgot) was understandably furious and with a quite enraged voice for being a only a face said, “I AM A DARK LORD! I AM NOT MERELY JUST A FACE!”

Harry nodded because obviously this poor face was crazy. And chose to leave the alleyway. Halfway to exiting he heard a voice cry out behind him. “WAIT!”  
And then everything went black. (Like siriusly, all he saw was black beautiful hair flowing in front of his face. It must have been a delusion. Perhaps caused by face spit? The cause is unknown.)

 

When Harry woke up some two hours or something or rather later. There was an identical boy sitting next to him. And also a dead guy in the room. Harry looked at the dead guy and said “Makeup head?” 

The boy sitting next to him, who if Harry was thinking properly would have recognized that looked an awful lot like himself sneered at Harry and said “oh good you’re up. That means we can begin. The name is Tom Marvolo Riddle, and I, am your new twin brother. So let’s lay out a few ground rules. You are not to tell anyone about my true identity. I am your long lost twin brother named-“ 

Tom pauses as he considers his options. He can no longer go by Voldemort. That’s too obvious. Harry speaks up and offers his opinion, “How about… Tom Potter? Also, being my twin is too obvious. As you are a dark lord that came up with that fancy snake dark mark thing I would think you would be more creative than that. Just change your appearance and say we met on the train. Much easier that way. Plus your attitude doesn’t fit the whole Potter look.” Harry kicked his feet up on a table that wasn’t there before for whatever reason. 

Tom has to refrain himself from gaping. “No one in the history my dark lordiness has ever talked to me that way and you shall not either!”

“I was offering you advice!”

“It was terrible advice!”

“Stop behaving like an 11 year old!”

“I am an 11 year o—...wait”

A smirk crossed Harry’s face as he watched Toms realization. “Gotcha.”

Tom shoots a rather impressive glare at Harry given the fact that he looks like he was born 11 years ago and has all of his humanly features in order and said, “You did not get anything. I AM THE DARK LORD VOLDEMORT YOU CAN'T ‘GET’ ME!”

“If you are such a cool great dark lord why didn’t you notice when my personality changed?”

“Because…...Why did it change?”

“That’s a secret.”

“I demand you tell me!”

“I demand you shut up! And get smarter!”

Tom glares at the eleven year old boy before turning and pulling him into another room. “This is where you will sleep.”

“But I don’t want to go to sleep.”

And that was the last thing anyone heard from Harry before he was whacked in the brain by a wand shaped object and passes out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up this story is more of a for fun story. Chapters will be vary wildly in length and when I post them. I’m hoping to keep the quality up. So just stick with it. As always I take constructive criticism and requests for one shots. (Within reason. I can’t do fandoms I don’t know.)
> 
> Disclaimer:You know the drill by now. I don’t own Harry Potter. Or any part of the Harry Potter universe.

The following day Tom and Harry had a conversation that went something like this.

Tom was having great difficulty in moving the sleeping eleven year old to the dining room of his manor. Such difficulty that probably wouldn’t be there if he didn’t insist on having an eleven year old body. When he finally had some success the raven haired boy chose this time to reveal that he hadn’t actually been sleeping at all, he was just rather annoyed with Tom for the whole ‘knocking him out with a wand’ incident yesterday. 

“You weren’t sleeping?! Why did you let me drag your large ass out here then?!”

“Well first of all, my ass may be large but it is largely fantastic. Second of all, I felt you deserved some punishment for your little stunt yesterday.”

“The dark lord does not pull stunts.”

“The dark lord absolutely does pull stunts. He pulled one yesterday.”

“You are a little shit you know that.”

“I’m over 2000 years old! I’m not little!”

Tom smirks. He found the weak spot. “You are not that old.”

“Am too”

“You are a child”

“So are you”

“Not by choice.”

Harry, who was beginning to get frustrated with Tom, indignantly cries out in frustration. “OF COURSE YOU ARE!”

Toms smirk was beginning to get larger as Harry got more frustrated. “I need a body. Quirrell was growing…useless as the days wore on. So I am using your spirit to assist me. Unfortunately that comes with the rather nasty side effect of looking exactly like you. Once you are drained of use I will get rid of you.”

Harry blinks and stares at Tom. “You…you are going to kill me?”

Toms smirk grows wider. “I am.”

Harry continues staring at Tom. Tom continues staring at Harry and smirking. Harry bursts out laughing. “Yo-You! You think you can kill me!”

 

Toms smirk falters. “Well you are human. And I can kill humans. Unless they have a horcrux of course.” It does not go unnoticed by Harry how he puffs up in pride at that statement.

This of course, prompts Harry to laugh harder.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I might add more. But I will probably have trouble sticking with a plot to who knows what will happen. Reviews are appreciated! As well as constructive criticism and if you have one shot prompt requests I will see what I can do! Let me know if you think I should continue this.


End file.
